As I lay here, awake with another painful headache, I find myself having a one-sided conversation with God. I have so many questions. Being a human is so incredibly confusing. The current state of the world is pretty frightening and it is often on my mind. What’s the point of acts that seem so very senseless? What are the lessons we are supposed to learn from horrific acts of violence against innocent people? What positives come out of suffering and illness and pain?
Sometimes I think I know the answer to that one. Personally, my experiences with illness have made me appreciate my blessings and constantly live in a state of gratitude. But in the worst moments, when I’m lying on the cold bathroom floor or hyperventilating in pain, I don’t think about the lesson though. I just beg. And plead. And pray. And make promises to God. It isn’t until after, when everything subsides, that the gratitude comes washing over me. I’m grateful every moment of my life isn’t spent in discomfort or fear. I’m grateful I have good days.
Maybe bad things happen so we realize how blessed we are. Maybe we witness evil so we can truly appreciate goodness in the world. Maybe.